NT0044 赤いカタナと自殺した少年の事

 　前にも書いた覚えがあるな。でもいいや、どこにその文章があるかもうわかんないし。

　もう10年以上前になると思うが、オレが出た高校の、まぁ言ってみれば後輩にあたる、その当時の現役の高校生の男のコ。彼の小さいころからの夢が大工になることだったそうで、でも、なまじ学校の成績が良かったものだから、このあたりでは有数のオレが出た進学校に入らされた、らしい。しかし、自分の理想とその時の状況の乖離に耐えられなくなったのだろうか？　美術教室で首を吊ったんだそうだ。まぁ、あくまで噂でしか知らないんだが。

　歳にしたら自分の息子と言っていいくらい離れているコだったそうで、痛ましいことだった。まぁ、自分の思ったように生きられないのが辛い、なんてことはいつの時代であっても変わらない。生きてるだけで儲けもん、って明石家さんま氏が言ってたことで有名だけど、あのポジションの人にそう言われたって説得力ないよな。

　かの高校に通ってはみたものの、成績が思わしくなく、尚の事自己肯定感が落下するのを深刻に感じることも、ひょっとしたらあったのかもしれない。

　ふと、オレが高校生の時の一コマ、１枚のスナップ写真のように思い出した。駅前の、今は向かいに移っていったコンビニの居ぬきの店舗に代わりに入った海鮮居酒屋のあたり、しばらくの期間、歩道に赤のカタナが止まっていたんだ。物々しい馬力を湛えているというのに、そんなの関係ねぇ、とばかりに眠りをむさぼるようにそこに止まっている様が、何とも面白かった。道行く人の何人が、コイツのヤバさ知ってるんだろ？　そう思うと尚の事痛快で面白かった。

　一応このあたりでは随一の進学校であったこともあり、当然その時は単車に乗ってもいなかったし、まだバイク雑誌を買うなんてこともしていなかった。

　オレはと言えば、オレの高校時代はと言えば、まぁ、暗い時代だったわね。やったことよりやられたことの方が強烈に覚えているという法則（？）に従えば、オレの体育の時間用に教室においてある運動靴の中に墨汁がぶちまけられていたり、同じく教室においてある体操服が焼却炉に入れられていたりした。辛いというより、まぁ、これからえらくなる人たちがこんなんで、こういう人たちが仕切るようになるこの社会の未来も、なんか、大したことねぇんだな、と見切った気持ちというか。まぁ、現行犯で抑えたわけじゃないから出来なかったが、次なんかやられたときにはぶん殴ってやろう、くらいには怒りに駆られてた。

　結構、周りから言わせたらオレはそういうキャラではないらしいが、10年に一回ぐらいずつ人殴ってるんですよ。寧ろ、だから、落ち込んでいくというより、変なアドレナリンが出ちゃっていたわけだ、高校の時は。ホント今だから言うけど。でも、ま、やはり辛いってったら辛かったかもな。

　赤のカタナは、オレを慰めるわけでもなく、夥しい熱を湛えながらもそいつはそこで眠りをむさぼっていた、大したことのないこの社会の未来とは別の未来を垣間見るような気分にもなった。

　彼の自殺した少年にはそういう物がなかったのだろうか？　オレはカタナに救われた。

☆

I remember writing about it before. But no, I don't know where that sentence is anymore.

I think it was more than 10 years ago, but there was a boy who was a current high school student at the high school I went to, who was actually my junior, to put it bluntly. It seems that his dream since childhood was to become a carpenter, but because he had good grades at his junior high school, he was admitted to one of the best preparatory schools in the area. However, did he become unable to bear the discrepancy between his ideals and the situation at the time? Apparently he hanged himself in an art class. Well, I only know from rumors.

At his age, he was so far away from me that I could almost call him my own son, and it was painful. Well, it doesn't matter what era he is in, it's painful not being able to live the way he wanted. Mr. Sanma Akashiya is famous for saying that you can make money just by being alive, but it's not very convincing when someone in that position says that.

Even though he attended that high school, his grades were not what he expected, and even more so, he may have felt a serious decline in his self-confidence.

Suddenly, I remembered a frame from when I was in high school, like a snapshot. For a while, a red katana was parked on the sidewalk in front of the station, near the seafood izakaya that replaced the convenience store that had moved across the street. Even though it had a tremendous amount of horsepower, it was very interesting to see it just sitting there, as if it didn't matter, as if sleeping. I wonder how many people on the street know how dangerous this guy is? When I thought about it, it was even more exciting and interesting.

It was the best preparatory school in the area, so of course I hadn't even ridden a motorcycle at that time, nor had I bought a motorcycle magazine yet.

Speaking of me, my high school days were, well, dark times. If we follow the rule (?) that we remember more vividly what we did than what we did, ink was sprinkled on my sports shoes in the classroom for my physical education class, Gym uniforms were put into the incinerator. Rather than it being painful, I feel like I've given up on the people who are going to be great from now on, and that the future of this society, which will be run by people like this, isn't that big of a deal. Well, I couldn't have stopped him red-handed, but I was so angry that I thought I'd punch him the next time he tried.

Well, people around me say I'm not that kind of person, but I hit someone about once every 10 years. In fact, rather than feeling depressed, I had a strange adrenaline rush when I was in high school. I'm really saying this now. But, well, if it was painful, it might have been painful.

The red katana didn't comfort me, and I felt like I was getting a glimpse of a future different from the future of this insignificant society where I was sleeping there, filled with tremendous heat. .

Didn't the boy who committed suicide have something like that? I was saved by Katana.